Having begun my personal drinking career around 18, an admittedly late age, I’ve since then been one of the many casualties in the inevitable resolution of an excessive evening – the hangover.
You know how people tend to refer to things involving death when questioned about their innermost fears or intense dislikes? Yeah. Well think about this:
During the course of the shittiest hangover you’ve ever had, I GUARANTEE at some point in the following day that you’ve either thought or said aloud:
“Somebody fucking kill me. Seriously.”
And meant it. I mean, really meant it.
Death is not the worst thing ever. Death is not even close, because you’re at least, you know, dead.
It is merciful that the hours preceding the hangover are characterized by a typically boisterous and uncaring sort of demeanor. The casually dismissive attitude that damns the consequences of drinking 4 shots of bad tequila and half a bottle of scotch to catch up with you. Stupid.
What I find comically tragic about the whole experience of getting bombed into oblivion is that past a certain level of booze, you’ve reached the point of diminishing returns. And yet no MATTER HOW APPARENT THIS MAY BE, THE POSSIBILITY OF STOPPING IS LAUGHABLE AND GENERALLY MET WITH DISDAIN.
“What, stop now? I’m already beyond the point of no return. Besides, these girls aren’t going to pass out on top of themselves.”
I could take a more philosophical route and posit that people do this because they are trying to rid themselves of the Ego and find the Self, that pure and uninhibited state that all narcotics and alcohol users seek. The problem with alcohol is that at some point, as uninhibited as you might become, your motor-skills take the “fuck you” route and do not join in the crusade – and then you look like every other deserved fucking idiot – too drunk to stand, too drunk to talk, and too intellectually weak to contribute to meaningful conversation. Grunting, using uncoordinated hand motions to direct others’ actions, and spilling things on people are not considered contributing to meaningful conversation.
Things You’ve said while Drunk
“Wow, you’re really cool. We should hang out more.”
9 times out of 10, you will never see this person again.
“Oh, dude! Great idea! We should totally start a band/group/movie/porn site/company/internet company/investment blah blah/cult/.”
All of these things, and their having been mentioned, will be forgotten by morning.
“I wonder if that girl I wouldn’t have shaken a stick at 2 hours ago fucks a lot. Thank god for alcohol. I wonder if she wants to fuck now. I’m tired of jerking off.”
I’m still consistently amazed at how much you’ll end up doing something even when you’re tired of it.
Those individuals with more self-control and awareness that tend to avoid this slide into worthless – I salute you and applaud your maturity.
Sort of.
I’ll catch up to you someday. I’m almost there. I swear.
